Phoenix Resurrected Read online

  "What can you tell me about this, Mister Gilmore?" he asked.

  ***

  I sat next to Garth on the hard wooden bench that we had occupied during the hearing held in the Johannesburg Juvenile Court and presided over by Judge Warren Bester

  "Your Honour." Paul Greave said looking up at Judge Bester. "I would like to interrupt Garth Gilmore's testimony at this point and call Captain Williams of the Namibia Police Service to the witness stand."

  "You may, Mister Greave." the judge said.

  The policeman was neatly dressed in beige slacks, a white shirt, red tie and a pale blue jacket. He took the stand and was duly sworn in.

  "Captain Williams." my attorney said. "You are the officer in charge of the investigation into the three robberies that took place in Windhoek West during the last six months. Is that correct?"

  "Yes." the policeman replied.

  "Please tell the court how you came to obtain a warrant to search the defendant Garth Gilmore's house and what the outcome was." Paul Greave asked.

  ""Right from the beginning of the investigation I realised that we were dealing with a very meticulous individual and that we were unlikely to find any evidence that would lead us directly to the perpetrator." Captain Williams said. "And, as the investigation continued this became more and more evident. There were no fingerprints at any of the crime scenes and in each case the perpetrator had planned his escape with meticulous care.

  "As we moved forward we realised that we had to change our focus and begin looking for anything and anyone that might be common to the three crimes. We were convinced that all three robberies had been carried out by the same individual. We began to look carefully at all the people who had had dealings with the three victims and gradually we whittled the number of people down to one person: Mister Garth Gilmore."

  "Mister Gilmore had had dealings with all three victims?" Paul Greave asked.

  "Not exactly." the policeman replied. "He had dealt directly with the book maker Mister Eksteen and with the money lender Mister Bogdanovic, but not with Mister Whiteside, the owner of the dry cleaning business."

  "So what was the connection between Garth Gilmore and Mister Whiteside?" Paul Greave asked.

  "Mister Gilmore's girlfriend who lived with him, Miss Bedford, was employed by Mister Whiteside at the time that he was robbed." Williams said.

  "And on the strength of this you obtained a warrant to search Mister Gilmore's house?" my attorney asked.

  "That's correct." Captain Williams replied.

  "And what did you find during the search?" Greave asked.

  ""Lying on the floor behind the couch in the lounge of Mister Gilmore's house we found a small piece of blue carbon paper." Captain Williams replied.

  "And could you read anything on the piece of carbon paper?" Paul Greave asked.

  "Yes." the policeman replied. "Fortunately the carbon paper had only been used once and the words Edward Eksteen - Bookmaker and the amount of eight hundred and fifteen dollars could be clearly seen. There was also a series of eight numbers. Later we checked Mister Eksteen's bank account number and it was the same as the eight numbers written on the carbon paper."

  "And what happened when you showed the piece of carbon paper to Mister Gilmore and Miss Bedford?" my attorney asked.

  "Miss Bedford immediately broke down, began to cry, and said that she wanted to make a statement." Captain Williams replied. "I read her her rights and she confessed to having known about the robberies of Mister Eksteen and Mister Whiteside and had taken part in the robbery of Mister Bogdanovic."

  "And Mister Gilmore?" Paul Greave asked. "What was his reaction?"

  "At first he was defiant and claimed that Miss Bedford was lying." the policeman said. "But when I persisted with my questioning about the presence of the piece of carbon paper in his house with Mister Eksteen's name on it as well as the man's bank account number, he confessed to being the perpetrator of the three robberies."

  "Thank you, Captain Williams." Greave said. "That is all. You may leave the stand."

  As the policeman left the courtroom, Paul Greave turned to face Judge Bester.

  "Your Honour." the attorney said. "That concludes this hearing with regard to the effect that the traumatic events that Miss Bedford and Master Gilmore experienced during their formative years had on them during their later years. Although both Miss Bedford and Mister Gilmore pleaded guilty to all the charges brought against them, my colleague, Mister Foster, and I hope that this hearing will have shed some light on the devastating effect that child abuse in any of its forms can and does have on its victims.

  "Whether child abuse will ever be eradicated, I don't know but we strongly believe that we all need to become more aware of the traits that child abuse victims display so that we can steer them towards the help that they so desperately need. We have not used this hearing to try to make excuses for our clients' behaviour. We are well aware that millions of children are abused daily but are still able to overcome these inflictions and lead productive and ethical lives. We hope though, that the distress that these two young people experienced in their early years will be used as mitigating circumstances when their sentencing is considered."

  CHAPTER 13

  Garth and I stood facing Judge Warren Bester. Ever since we had been arrested by Captain Williams, Garth's attitude towards me had changed drastically. He refused to speak to me and even refused to acknowledge my presence in the courtroom. It was obvious to me that he considered me to have betrayed him by confessing to having taken part in the robberies of the Whiteside couple and Mister Bogdanovic. The Public prosecutor handling our case had accepted that I had not been involved in the robbery and killing of the bookmaker, Edward Eksteen and these charges had been withdrawn.

  "Garth Gilmore and Cindy Bedford." the judge said, looking down at us from his raised desk. "I have listened carefully to the evidence presented to me and my two assessors and come to the conclusion that both of you have criminal charges to answer to. It is not my duty though, to deliver sentence. This will be done at your trials once you attain the age of twenty one and can be tried in a higher court. Until this time you, Garth Gilmore, will be detained in the Withaven Detention Centre where you will undergo a complete psychological examination to determine your fitness to face the charges that have been levelled against you."

  The judge turned to me.

  "Cindy Bedford." he said. "I have found sufficient mitigating evidence that is very relevant to your case to decree that you be granted parole under the supervision of the Child Welfare Department until your trial."

  Garth turned and glared at me.

  "You little bitch!" he hissed. "You betrayed me so that you would get a more lenient punishment. If you'd kept your mouth shut we could have denied everything! Apart from that piece of carbon paper, the police had nothing on us! All they had was circumstantial evidence!"

  Before I could protest that the piece of carbon paper wasn't circumstantial evidence but irrefutable evidence of his involvement in the robbery and death of the bookmaker, Edward Eksteen, Garth turned and walked to the staircase leading down to the holding cells.

  ***

  Misses Phillips, the lady from the Child Welfare Department was waiting for me on the front steps of the court building when I was finally released. We walked to her car.

  "As the Department anticipated that you would be granted parole we've been busy finding you accommodation and a job." Misses Phillips said. "The only accommodation that we could find for you at such short notice is in the Young Women's Christian Association Hostel in the Windhoek CBD. You'll have to share a room with a student who is studying at the Windhoek Technikon but it's better than being in a girl's detention centre.

  "What I think will be of more importance to you though, is that we've been able to find you a job as a bookkeeper for a small pharmacy in the CBD. The salary that they're offering should be sufficient to allow you to save enough money so that, if you are given a suspended sente
nce, you will be able to rent a small one-room apartment. You will have to furnish it yourself and also buy your own cutlery and crockery. I have a single bed at home that I can lend you as well as a small table and two chairs and some cutlery and a few pots. You can use a Laundromat to wash your clothes.

  "It's important to understand that you are on parole and there are several important restrictions that you must adhere to. The only times that you can leave the YWCA are when you go to work but you have to SMS me before you leave to go to work and also when you get to work. The same applies when you leave work and return to the YWCA. When you go to and from work you must go straight there. Don't go to a supermarket or anywhere else. If you need to go anywhere such as to the supermarket or to the dentist or doctor you must first call me and get my permission. These aren't my instructions; they are your parole conditions handed down by the judge. If you disobey any of these instructions you will immediately be sent to a detention centre."

  I felt very humbled that the Department was prepared to do so much for me, considering that I was a convicted juvenile criminal and very like to spend much of my immediate future behind bars.

  "Thank you, Misses Phillips." I said. "But why are you doing so much for me when I'm very likely to be sent to prison for a long time?"

  Misses Phillips shook her head.

  "It's very unlikely that you'll be sent to prison." she said. "From our experience you have a number of important extenuating circumstances that will ensure that the sentence that will be handed down will be a suspended sentence. But it's also the Department's duty to look after you until you attain the age of twenty one. Until then we are required to see that you have adequate accommodation and living expenses. And if, during the period from now until you reach the age of twenty one, you can show that you are coming to terms with your past and sincerely show remorse for helping Garth commit those robberies, then it's very likely that your parole terms will be very lenient. Do you think that you can do that?"

  "Yes." I said, emphatically. "I not only can do that, I will do that. Until I made that silly mistake of taking the money from Checkers, I felt that I was beginning to come to terms with my past and also laying the foundation for a responsible and productive life. Of course, that all went up in smoke when I lost my job."

  ***

  The student that I shared my room with was a young Ugandan girl studying law on a bursary awarded to her by the Ugandan government. A very serious person, she kept very much to herself, but this suited me as I had enough of my own problems to contend with.

  The bookkeeping job at the pharmacy was very interesting as I had to learn all about the various medications, where their details had to be entered in the purchases and dispatch journals and where they also had to be entered in the medicines control journal. In addition I had to keep the stock records up to date, cash up at the end of each day and make sure that the cash received balanced with the receipts issued.

  The owner of the pharmacy was a middle aged Jewish man, Mister Bernie Cohen. He had a very laidback nature and was extremely patient, spending a great deal of time with me explaining the accounting procedures that the Medicine Control Act required. The atmosphere at the pharmacy was pleasant but strict as mistakes could easily lead to serious consequences. I was required to work on weekdays from nine in the morning until six in the evenings and from nine to one o'clock on the last Saturday of each month.

  Working in such a pleasant environment was relaxing but what I really appreciated was that, although Mister Cohen and the other members of the staff were aware that I was a convicted child criminal, none of them gave any indication that I was any different than they were. I was considered to be an integral part of a team and treated as such.

  The one blot in my contentment was Garth. I worried about how he was coping at the Withaven Detention Centre and whether he was being helped to come to terms with his past and begin to change his attitude towards the world around him. Misses Phillips had told me that he wasn't allowed to have visitors during the first month of his incarceration at the Centre but after that he would be allowed one visitor for an hour on Friday afternoons.

  In the evenings after supper I began sitting on a bench in the small garden of the YWCA where I could think about my life and try to put it into perspective. I soon realized that the one vital thing that was missing in my life was love. I had never experienced the wonder of being loved and had gradually over the years begun to look upon love and other benevolent emotions as weaknesses. I had dearly wanted to express these emotions but feared that they would be seen as a weakness and used to belittle and ridicule me. This had proved to be true when I tried to show my love for Garth and it had been ignored.

  Although I accepted that the real opposite of love was hate I began to realize that the most destructive opposition to love was indifference; the turning away from those in need. Hatred was an emotion but indifference was emotionless and this made its impact so much more devastating.

  I also began to realize that my behaviour in the past had been strongly influenced by my desire to hurt those people that I believed had wronged me but had also been driven by my desire to be recognized as someone of value; someone who was part of the world around me. I began to see that one of the main reasons for my contentment with my job at the pharmacy was because I was accepted as an essential member of the enterprise. The feeling of belonging was immense and overawed me. As I savoured this feeling of belonging I felt the tears trickling down my cheeks. I brushed them away with my forearm angrily but then stopped, astonished at this show of emotion. Instead of a feeling of weakness and vulnerability, I felt a frightening feeling of love for the people who saw me as someone of value.

  The more I thought about my predicament, the more I realized that people react to the behaviour of others. Expressing anger towards someone will create anger in return whereas expressing kindness and understanding will reciprocate this behaviour. It was therefore up to me to create an image that would result in the favourable conditions that I longed for. I had to make the first move and not wait for others to move first. If I waited for others to initiate the emotions that I needed, I would very likely be disappointed but if a showed empathy and consideration towards others then I was very likely to receive the same in return.

  The biggest problem that I faced was the fact that my past still dominated my life and had become an integral part of my character. To change this after so many years was a monumental task. But I had no option. I had to change my life and only I could do that. But I also realized that I had to be sincere in my endeavours to change myself and the world around me. It wouldn't do to attempt to get what I craved for simply by following certain rules. I had to really feel what I wanted others to react to. If I didn't do this people would quickly see that I was shallow and artificial.

  ***

  After Garth had been in the Withaven Detention Centre for a month I called the centre to make an appointment to visit him. The receptionist asked me to hold while she got Garth's consent. A few minutes she came back.

  "Unfortunately Garth Gilmore doesn't want you to visit him." the receptionist said. "In fact, he told me to tell you that he never wants to see you again and that you should not try to make any further appointments."

  I had expected a negative response, but I was deeply disturbed and hurt by the message that he had sent. I missed Garth terribly and needed desperately to talk to him about my feelings and new understanding of myself. I also needed to talk to him about his accusation that I had betrayed him. What I had done was the only sensible thing to do and I had done it to try and make things easier for him. I had expected Garth to react with indifference but I had never expected him to say that he never wanted to see me again.

  "How is Garth?" I asked. "Is he coping with life at the Centre?"

  "As far as I know, he's being kept in solitary confinement as he has shown violent tendencies since he arrived here." the receptionist said. "He is also being treated with psychotropic dr
ugs in an attempt to pacify him."

  I felt my hopes that Garth would respond to his incarceration more positively begin to slip away. That he was being kept in isolation and treated with powerful drugs to alter his emotions frightened me. Was he really that dangerous? I knew that he was immensely strong and had a quick temper but that he should have to be restrained with drugs seemed impossible. The old familiar feeling of helplessness descended on me. I thanked the receptionist and hung up.

  CHAPTER 14

  "Mister Garth Gilmore." the police officer said as he unlocked the door of the holding cell below the court. "Please come with me. I will be escorting you to the Withaven Child Detention Centre."

  I followed the police officer out of the building and into the parking area where a blue and white squad car stood idling, the driver reading a newspaper. The officer opened one of the back doors and indicated for me to climb into the vehicle. The interior of the vehicle stank of old cigarette smoke. I moved to the far end of the seat and the officer followed me into the car. The driver tossed the newspaper onto the passenger seat next to him, released the hand brake and drove off. During the entire trip to the Detention Centre not a word was said.

  The South End Prison sprawled across a large desolate, flat piece of land south of the city. The property was bordered on three sides by a row of tall blue gum trees and a thick hedge and just inside this natural barrier a double row of five meter high barbed wire fences topped with whirls of razor wire and separated by a ten meter wide strip of smooth white sand. A large well-guarded gate with a guardhouse and a watchtower allowed entrance to the compound on the western side. There were eight manned watchtowers, one on each corner and one in the centre of each side of the property. After passing through the entrance to the prison the road split into two, one road leading to the main prison building and the other entering the Detention Centre through a manned gateway.